Foot Lotion, a.k.a. Shoe Polish

faux advertisement illustration for shoe polish

I have a couple of years’ worth of expired vitamins that I acquired by pressing on one link or another that told me I needed them, as I self-diagnosed innumerable deficiencies and/or onsets of diseases, in just a few clicks. Consequently, I am trying to clean out my bathroom. Because I have hired someone to come and clean my house next week. And that’s what you do when you hire someone to clean your house; you clean your house, right?

In the midst of the purge, I noticed that I was missing my brown, and my white, shoe polish thingies. But, for whatever reason, [gotta interject here, I think the reason is early onset alzheimer’s, and I think it started when I was around 18] here’s what came out of my mouth when I approached my husband, black shoe polish thingy in hand, to ask (possibly in a slightly accusatory tone) about the missing thingies… “Do you know where these are? I had two other ones—a white and a brown foot lotion thingy. Do you know what happened to them?”

“Whaaat?” he asked. [At first, he looked confused, then amused, which made me more annoyed, in regards to the missing foot lotion thingies.] “The FOOT lotion thingies!!! Do you know where the other FOOT lotion thingies are????” I asked [or possibly demanded, depending upon your perspective].

[My husband, laughing…and laughing…and laughing.] “Well, this is your next drawing. I can paint my feet white, and you can paint your feet black, with the FOOT lotion thingies, or SHOE polish!”

This drawing went a COMPLETELY different direction than I had originally envisioned, and after reading the draft post, I can see why!  I give you, “Foot Lotion Thingies.” Trouble with empathy? Introducing Foot Lotion Thingies! Ever want to see what it feels like to walk in someone else’s skin? Here’s your chance! Get your foot lotion thingy today! Easy application. *Results may vary.

True story.